Melissa Matthewson lives and writes in the Applegate Valley of southwestern Oregon. Her essays have appeared in Mid-American Review, River Teeth, Bellingham Review, among others. Her work has earned an AWP Intro Journals award and has been listed as notable in Best American Essays. She recently completed a fragmented memoir of lyric essays about marriage, farming, desire, and identity, of which this essay is a part. She teaches writing and literature at Southern Oregon University.